A pastor battling years of alcoholism reached a point of utter desperation, crying out to God over several days in March 2016. On the third night, he was suddenly taken out of his surroundings and found himself outside the walls of heaven, where he encountered the Holy Spirit in the form of a towering, radiant man. The Spirit placed His hands on him, first sending fire through his entire being that destroyed every trace of addiction, then pouring in overwhelming joy beyond earthly comprehension. Instantly healed, he returned to his body transformed, free from all craving, and forever marked by the encounter, now sharing his testimony as a message of hope for others struggling with addiction.
Experience description: There were years of build-up to my experience, which is too much to tell here. I’m a Lutheran pastor, and an alcoholic. It crept up on me slowly, but by my late 30’s/early 40’s, there was no denying the issue. My doctor said I would be dead in 5 years if I kept drinking to the levels I was.
Various attempts to quit had failed. I had been confronted by my family, and after being also confronted by a colleague, I knew the game was up. I was desperate. On the evening of Thursday, March 10, 2016, I cried out to God with a depth of repentance I had never previously known. If f I couldn’t be free of the substance, I no longer wanted to live. I didn’t want to wake up the next day.
On the evening of Friday March 11, I cried out to God with the same prayer.
On the evening of Saturday March 12, 2016, I was alone in what my family called the 'gaming room' - a bit of an all-purpose nothing room. My wife and kids were all in the front living room watching something on TV.
At 8:30pm, I lay on the old couch and poured out the same prayer, with a depth of anguish and desperation I had never before experienced. I was genuinely craving death. Then something happened which changed the course of my whole life.
As I was repenting my heart out, my surroundings disappeared instantly. I was in a completely different place. I was floating in white light - no up or down or left or right - no point of reference initially. I didn’t have a visible body, although I was definitely there. I’ve heard one 'NDE-er' describe this state of being as 'a single point of awareness', and that’s exactly what it was like. No head, no ears, no eyes…and yet I could ‘see’ in every direction at once - not just 360°, but a full globe of visible awareness.
Slowly, I became aware of a huge white wall off to my right, which gave me a sense of spatial awareness. It seemed about 30m away, and looked about 25m high. About 50m down from the direction of where I might have thought my feet were (if I had any) in a lying down position, the wall appeared to turn away. So I was near the corner.
I knew this was the outer wall of heaven. I was on the outside of heaven; I was not permitted to go in because I wasn’t dead. In the wall behind me, off to my right, there was a large pointed-arched doorway, a double door which looked like it was made of dark redwood.
The door opened, and a being came out…a man. It’s hard to explain how you know these things - you just do. This was the Holy Spirit himself, in the form of a man. But it was only as he got closer that I began to take the immensity of what I was seeing.
Thousands of NDE’ers report how they feel completely overwhelmed by feelings of love and peace, which go beyond the capacity of human language to tell. That was not my experience. I felt neither love nor peace. I was still too much in a state of shock!
What I felt radiating from that being was raw, indescribable, and overwhelming POWER! This being is power itself!
I felt that all life in the entire universe had it’s origin point in this being - every person, every animal, every insect, every plant, every star, every galaxy, and all life in the entire known and unknown universe - had the origin of its life-force in this being! He is the origin of all energy…all power!
The Holy Spirit can take any form he chooses, but to me he was as a man about over 20 feet (7-8m) tall, his robe was a shiny and heavy white sharply-pleated fabric that glistened, and one pleat on each shoulder was a vibrant gold. But his face was featureless, like it was nothing but bright shining starlight. His head appeared as a star.
He didn’t waste any time with me - no small talk. I was floating around the height of his waist, and the Holy Spirit reached out with his enormous left hand. The base of his hand landed at around where my brain stem would be, and the rest of his hand came up to cover my whole head. As soon as his hand was in place, I felt an explosion of fire on my head, which then rippled slowly down my whole body. This was the moment when I realized that, even though I couldn’t see a body, I definitely seemed to have one.
I could feel the fire go down my arms and out of my hands, and down my torso and legs, and then out of the soles of my feet. And it felt like my body - same dimensions. As the fire left my body, I knew instantly that I was healed! All the craving was completely gone… obliterated, to the very last atom!
No sooner had the fire departed my body, the Holy Spirit took his left hand away and he did the same thing with his right hand. It was like he lifted off the top of my head, and I felt like he poured in a huge jug of beautifully warm water, which filled me up to the very top! The water filled me with an indescribable ecstasy, of joy so extreme that it felt like a billion times beyond any joy we can experience on earth!! No language can describe what this joy felt like!!
Then instantly I was back in my body. I leapt to my feet and was dancing around the room like a complete idiot (and I can’t dance)! In the weeks that followed, people could tell something was different, but it took around 7 years before I could open up about it properly. I’ve had very mixed reactions to my story, so I generally don’t talk about it anymore, even though I feel strongly that I want to share this story of hope with other addicts. Hopefully this website is a safer way to do that.
NDE Elements:
- Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?No
- Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes. The grandeur, overwhelming power, and the suddenness of it
- At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No
- What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? Fully awake
- Was the experience dream like in any way? No
- Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes. I seemed to be invisible, yet at a certain point during the experience began to 'feel' my body, but without actually seeing it.
- What emotions did you feel during the experience? Absolute shock.
- Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? No.
LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? Yes. It was just a sense of knowing what this place was.
- Did you see a light? Yes. Not a specific light; I was surrounded by nothing but light, like I was floating in pure light.
- Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes. The Holy Spirit, but he did not look like anything I could have imagined. In the moment I simply 'knew' who this was.
- Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No
- Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
- Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes Vision - a complete globe of vision in every conceivable direction simultaneously.
- Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No.
- Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes. All energy in the entire cosmos has its origin in the Holy Spirit. He is the animating force of the entire universe.
- Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes. I could see a huge white wall, and I knew it was the outer wall of heaven. I could not travel beyond it. I felt that was not permitted.
- Did you become aware of future events? No.
- Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? No.
- Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Yes. My body catches 'fire' when I pray. The events my body catches 'fire' about come to pass. Prayer has become an extremely reliable guide to action.
- Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes. I became very 'supernatural' in my beliefs. Many encounters with demonic spirits followed. I had not experienced this before.
- How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I stayed in my career, although the change in me had a negative impact on my church. My family were thrilled to see me healed on my addiction, even if they were unsure what to make of my experience.
- Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes. I experience prayer and meditation is a powerful and supernatural way.
- Have you shared this experience with others? Yes. More negative or neutral than positive. This has led me to essentially shut down about my experience.
- What emotions did you experience following your experience? Elation beyond description.
- What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best part was being healed, and feeling an ongoing strong communion with the Holy Spirit. The worst part is being treated skeptically or people feeling it was unhelpful to them.
- Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? No.
- Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain. Not medications or substances, but prayer seems to replicate the experience on a smaller scale.
